The Science-Backed Way to Respond to an Insult

The Power of Words and the Art of the Comeback

When someone delivers a hurtful insult, it can often leave us speechless. In some cases, it may even cause deep and enduring mental health scars that are comparable to those from physical abuse. However, a scientist has now proposed a clever response that could help turn the tables on an insult.

According to Dr. Dean Burnett, a neuroscientist and lecturer, the best comeback to an insult is a simple three-word phrase: "Calm down, grandma." This response, he claims, can effectively put a damper on someone's mean comments or even reverse their effects. It might even make the person laugh, diffusing the situation entirely.

Dr. Burnett, author of Emotional Ignorance, explains that the impact of an insult depends as much on the recipient as it does on the person delivering it. By using this retort, the recipient can make the insulter seem like the lower-status, more easily-ridiculed party. For example, if someone says, "Your haircut looks stupid," responding with "Okay, calm down, grandma" puts them in the category of "older, unfashionable, out-of-touch people," which makes them look worse—especially if they’re a 20-something man.

There are other clever responses that use similar tricks, such as turning the insulter’s own words against them. For instance, if someone says, "I don’t understand why [your attractive partner] is with you," you could reply, "Would you like me to explain it to you? With crayons?" This kind of response denies the insulter power, retaining control of the conversation and shifting the focus back to them.

Understanding the Impact of Insults

The effectiveness of many retorts depends on the context, the type of insult, and other factors. However, the central theme remains the same: not giving the insulter power. By doing so, you deny them raised status and maintain control over the narrative or exchange.

Another approach is "co-constructing criticism," where the insult is accepted and built upon. This can even shed the recipient in a positive light for being self-deprecating. For example, if someone says, "You're fat!" you could respond, "I should hope so, I've spent enough money to get this way." This kind of response turns the insult into a humorous acknowledgment rather than a personal attack.

Dr. Burnett also addresses the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." While this rhyme has been used for generations, he argues that it is wrong. According to him, criticisms and rejection cause brain activity that is indistinguishable from actual pain. "Basically, insults do hurt," he says.

This idea is supported by a recent study at Liverpool John Moores University, published in the journal BMJ Open. The research found that childhood taunts are as bad for adult mental health as physical abuse, directly contradicting the concept of "Sticks and Stones." Those exposed to such abuse when young were more likely to feel disconnected, pessimistic, and emotionally unwell in later life.

The Science Behind Birthdays and Personality

In another intriguing study, researchers from the University of York investigated the link between a child's day of birth and their destiny. They analyzed data from over 2,000 children and found that the age-old nursery rhyme about days of the week is simply harmless fun. For example, the belief that Wednesday's child is "full of woe" was debunked by the study.

While many people believe there is no truth in the nursery rhyme, the research team theorized that it could have lasting effects on personality. For instance, a child born on a Monday told they are "fair of face" might develop higher self-esteem, making them appear more confident and attractive. Conversely, a child born on a Wednesday might interpret common feelings of sadness as proof of their "woe," believing they experience these emotions more intensely than others.

Despite the lack of scientific evidence supporting the rhyme, the study highlights how cultural beliefs and societal expectations can shape our perceptions of ourselves and others. Whether or not we take the nursery rhyme seriously, it serves as a reminder of how deeply language and tradition can influence our lives.